Mom finally passed on some of her recipes today, lol. Hmmm it’s weird how everything seems incredibly easy to do but will probably be tough delicious-ing (lol). Soooo… curry chicken again =D let’s see whether I can manage to whip up something actually spicy when I get back… I still owe Alex and Vivi a meal, after all!!!
On another note, che, Popo and Gonggong came over for lunch today!! Rare nowadays to have more than the 4 of us at home… *can almost weep with the joy* …but if I’m already feeling the emptiness of the house… what do those who still stay here, feel? With the parents out at work or on business trips, what would kitty feel, all alone in the house? With dad home late and 3 of her 4 kids away from home, what does mom feel, two eating at a table for six?
…Ah well. Back to the diary entry. They came, mom passed the grandparents the items that Aunty Sue sent over via me for them and YuanKai (who incidently in back in KL but can’t meet up with us!! DAMN!!!! I wanted to see him too… it’s been ages…) and then after some chatting and snacking we went out for a seafood dinner. Nothing much else to say… only that… well, Gonggong is 79 this year and getting frailer and frailer in health, not really able to scale our stairs without taxing himself. His hands were shaking so much when I greeted him and… perhaps helpless at his body’s lethargy and inactivity… did his eyes water, or did he cry? ….
It’s a shock to realise that your family has been aging while you weren’t looking… I guess this is pretty much the summation of what I felt when I watched the others interact. As time goes by… well, once you stop looking… it’s just such a surprise. Worse of all is, I can guess at thoughts and feelings, based on what I myself would feel if I were in particular situations.
What I love most about being alive is being able to move, to talk, to see, to feel, to hear, to murmur, to stretch my limbs out and roll onto my back. If I were to ever lose a sense, or have it impaired in such a way that I would no longer be able to do certain things… like smell the scent of cooking chicken, like hear the birds trill as they fly overhead outside, like feel the touch of someone stroking my hair, like step on the ground and move forward… I would rather die.
Just imagine if such a day came, and I could *not* die, for physical reasons, social reasons, obligations, etc. Would I actually be able to face up to it, or rather, endure it without going mad?
…I seriously don’t think so. Depressing? …Very.
